lesley

Every time I start something, I stop.
I'm starting again though.

HW: 124-125
CW: 123.2
LW: 121

ultimate goal : 110 ish.
first goal: 120.
second goal: 116.

i'm doing this slow.

i'm chubby.
 

Okay as of 12:39 pm
weight : 121.0 lbs.

So that's basically like 2 pounds. And I was just about to go eat a bagel =x

And I don't feel like going to the gym. I really should probably go to the gym.

:[

look at the date.
I just came on here.
I cannot believe that I have gained so much weight.
I cannot believe that I weighed that little less than a fucking year ago.

I now weigh 123. What the fuck is wrong with me
What the fuck
What the fuck
What the fuck

I hate myself right now. I have been on like a diet health thing for a week.

I can't believe this. I don't know how this happened to me.

I am so ashamed.

CW: 122
next goal : 119

 12:50 114.2 lbs.

i have no idea how that happened
because i messed up my diet.

and i ate like 3 bowls of icecream yesterday
two piece of pizza frenchfries.
oh lord.

2:30 pm. 116.4 lbs.
i know its just water weight so i can't be too excited.
i'm happy though.
i do eat though. i eat like cereal and a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
last night i had DQ. thats shameful.
but anways.
my first goal weight was like 114.
so two more pounds to go!
after that it will probably be like 110.
i'm not sure how quickly i will be losing weight though.
or if i can even stick to it.
we shall see.
<3

ok i am really starting today.

2:44 - 119 lbs.

and so far i have just eaten a bag of special k. it was really good though because i just packed a plastic bag of it this morning and throughout the day i ate some and it was good cause i never really felt that hungry. i think im gonna do that more. but i had coffee too.
oh well.
i think if i have to eat a lot of dinner i'm gonna try to throw it up. but if my parents aren't watching or something ill try to eat like not a lot. the end.

its only day 1. :[

I am doing this for real for real for real. I always say that, but i mean it this time.
i am going to lose weight.

right now i feel so helpless because i just have so much of this disgusting fat on me and i wish i could cut it all off and i can't. i have to actually work and get it off and its going to take a long time and i just want it gone now. its not fair.

and to top it off i just cut myself really bad and it was bleeding more than i've ever made myself bleed.

:[

jfjaodifjad fj.
life.